Surviving Middle Earth
by lmcclos3
Summary: I don't like giving out summaries because they ruin everything! Read this story if you like lemons, violence and bad language. Read if you love Haldir.
1. Chapter 1

Before you start to read my story, there's a few things I want to clear up. First of all, YES this is another one of those stories where an unsuspecting victim(s) gets magically transported to Middle Earth. I realize the idea has probably worn itself out on many of you, but I've been thinking about writing this for a long time now, it's up to you if you want to read and enjoy it. I personally don't care - I made it for myself and my best friend (that's why it's posted on here, so she can read it!). I have seen the LotR movies and I am about halfway done reading the books, so my lore/spelling/facts might not be 100% accurate. If you find a mistake, PLEASE tell me! I haven't figured everything out yet, still working on the details... and suggestions would be greatly appreciated so please_** review**_!

First chapter is a little bit short and maybe not as interesting... sorry! Next one to go up in a day or so.

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

_Warnings: Rated NC-17 for later chapters, mild violence and language. *This is subject to change*_

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><p><span>Chapter One<span>

**Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.**

For the life of me, I could not see what my best friend saw in Legolas. I suppose I can understand why so many women over the world went crazy for Orlando's long blonde hair and his tight leggings, his fingering abilities... with a bow that is. And with daggers... while running across tightened ropes or sliding down stairways on shields. But when I try to explain his overly exaggerated skills to Sarah, she just giggles and gets this starry look in her eyes. I would almost avoid having her over for our monthly LotR movie marathon, but I know she'd come banging on my door with expensive chocolate... hard to resist, right?

**Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang** - "I know you're in there Lindsay... Legolas is calling to meeee."

I love her to death, but she sounded seriously pathetic right there. Groaning, I got up off the couch and walked over to the door.

**Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.**

"I'm coming already! You're going to upset my neighbours!" I swing the door open to reveal her, her hair and clothes drenched from rain. "Is... is it storming out?" I immediately felt the guilt coursing through me from making her stand outside for so long. I quickly move out of the way for her to pass by me, grabbing the chocolate from under her arm.

"Not that you deserve that... and yes, it is pouring out there. It came on all of a sudden as I was riding over here. Wasn't it supposed to be 30° Celsius today?" She tossed her Vespa keys on the table by the closet and hung up her jacket on the coat rack. Underneath, she wore a simple white tank with black skinny jeans and flats. We were around the same size, me and her... the only difference being that I was blessed with a bit more curves in the chest area while all of the guys loved her for her larger than average behind. Not that she hated the attention...

"I hope the power doesn't go out... or that it does right once Orlando comes on the screen." My remark was countered with an evil glare, not all that uncommon coming from Sarah. She could be very frightening at times.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

I furrowed my brow as I looked down at my body, completely forgetting that I hadn't changed out of my new cotton chemise I had purchased earlier. "Whatever, it's comfortable. Come on, let's start the Fellowship." I had the chocolates already opened by the time I made it back to the couch, Sarah hot on my trail. Every once in a while, we would pause the film to talk about the scene or how cool we both thought Viggo was. "I heard that all the armour he wore wasn't fake... he must be really fit..." or "Damn that Aragorn... he has better looking hair than me!" It wasn't until quite some time later when Frodo and the others were heading into the forest leading to Lothlorien that the lights flickered and I heard my dog barking outside.

"Emmett! I forgot about him!" I leapt over arm rest and ran towards the screen door, sliding it open and calling for my Great Dane. "GET IN HERE! Sarah... he's going to be all muddy... where is he... Sarah get off your ass and help me!" I padded back through the kitchen in search of my hoodie, not to protect me from the rain as much to hide my exposed skin from my neighbours. I noticed Sarah sticking her hand out of the door as if to check the temperature of the rain on her palm. After careful consideration, she decided it was warm enough and I followed her out onto the pavement, narrowing my eyes into the woods behind my house. Thunder rolled and echoed loudly off of the mountains. With bare feet, we trudged through the grass towards edge of the trees.

"Do you think he went off in there? He's never done that before... must've been afraid."

"Maybe he saw a deer and thought they could be friends..."

"This is serious, Sarah! He's too clumsy, he could get hurt!" I pushed a large branch away from our walking path and entered the forest with a look of worry etched across my face. After my parents had died, Emmett was all I had left in my family and I had grown unreasonably attached to the beast. He was white and black, not hard to spot in an area full of greens and browns. We kept walking for about 5 more minutes before stopping to huddle under a tree thick with leaves. My hair clung to my face and the pouring rain limited my sight and hearing.

"We should turn back!" Sarah practically yelled into my ear and yet I could barely hear her across the thunder. I rubbed at my bare thighs and peered around once more, instantly wishing I had grabbed some pants along with the sweater. I turned to face her and nodded slowly, a small laugh escaping my lips.

"Why are you laughing? This isn't funny!" She watched my finger as I pointed to her white shirt, completely drenched and completely see through. "Oh, you're so mature, Lindsay..."

_CRACK._

We both screamed as the lightning hit a nearby telephone pole. Sparks flew and we both grabbed onto each other, looking around to see what happened. My hand tried to shield my eyes from the rain, "We need to go, now!" I grabbed onto Sarah's arm and prepared myself to run back to the house. Unfortunately for us, we didn't notice that the force from the lightning had caused the pole to shift and snap, tilting and collapsing right towards us. With only a second to spare, we managed to dive out of the way and tumble down the hill we climbed up just minutes ago.

Before I blacked out, the last thing I heard was Sarah's long string of profanities.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the delay, I know I said the next one would be up only a day after the first... but hey, I'm busy, ok? Really though, I work night shift and I sleep a lot of the day away. I get to dream about what I want to write, but the typing it out part takes a while. This chapter, however, was written rather quickly and so if you spot an error, let me know so I can change it right away. I hope you enjoy this one, it was definitely fun to write! THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS 3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

_Warnings: Rated NC-17 for later chapters, mild violence and language. *This is subject to change*_

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><p><span>Chapter Two<span>

I don't think there was ever a time in my life where I was in as much pain as I am in now. My right temple was stinging terribly and I didn't need to see them to know that my thighs were cut and scratched from the fall. _The fall._ I groaned as I lifted myself off of my stomach and onto my elbows, the sun's light immediately causing me to wince.

"...Sarah?" Her name came out a bit raspy sounding because my throat was dry and felt as if it were on fire. A few feet away I could hear shuffling and her hissing in pain. I forced my eyes to open and take in my surroundings... although they weren't exactly how I remembered them. We were no longer in the woods behind my house, full of Ponderosa Pines and the like... the trees here were much thicker and _much_ taller. The air had an earthy scent to it unlike anything I have ever smelled before.

"Lindsay... are you hurt? I've cut my hand but I doubt it's anything serio- wait a second here." She paused and I could almost feel the confusion in the air before she spoke again, "This isn't... we aren't in the same forest. How can that be?"

"I remember... the lightning hitting the pole and it crashing down near us." I glanced around the leaf-covered ground for evidence but could find nothing, "I might have some infected cuts on my legs... and it hurts to swallow. I don't understand - what exactly happened to us?"

"I've got it! I must be dreaming... really, think about it! I was knocked out and in all actuality, I am lying in a hospital bed right now... dreaming. So you must be a figment of my imagination..." Sarah nodded firmly and moved her finger to poke at my face.

"Get your hand away from me! I don't think this is a dream. It's far too real to be a dream. _I_ am real, Sarah... quit poking me!" I swatted at her hand before lifting it to my hair. _Dry. We did get caught in the rain... were we laying out here for so long that we dried off and lost our minds along with our soaked clothing? _I lowered my voice as I looked to the sun, "It must be close to noon. Maybe someone lives around here, maybe we should start looking for a house? Or some food." I added after hearing Sarah's stomach rumbling.

"Wow... I've never been hungry before in a dream! It feels just like real life! If I imagine that there's a cheeseburger in my hand, will it appear?"

**Snap.**

"Did you hear that?" I asked slowly, quirking a brow.

"Maybe it's your dog."

I whipped my head around excitedly but was caught off guard as an arrow lay perched right between my eyes. My breath hitched in my throat and I heard Sarah squeal with excitement, "Lindsay! Look at him! Look!" I took a deep breath before raising my eyes, only to meet with his which were a stunning blue-gray... and it was as if they were staring into my soul, I could have passed out right then and there. This man, with his long golden hair and extremely fit body, looked exactly like Haldir of Lothlorien.

"Once you decide to avert your eyes from my body, would you mind giving me your name?" His tone was unpleasant and demanding and I couldn't help but roll my eyes, which did not go unnoticed by him. "As Marchwarden of the lands you trespass upon, I command you to speak, elleth." _Elleth? Isn't that... but we couldn't possibly be... that means a female elf in Sindarin,doesn't it? Are... are we in Middle Earth? Marchwarden..._ my heart dropped into my stomach. I knew it was him but none of this made any sense. Maybe we were dreaming after all...

As hard as I tried, words would not form in my mouth and I must have looked like a complete fool in front of the beautiful beings. After a moment of inspecting each elf shamelessly, my gaze shifted to Sarah, who despite having about twenty arrows pointed at her head, decided it was a good idea to walk up to the tallest one and tug on his hair.

"Jeff? Is that you under all that makeup? Don't look at me like I just committed a crime, don't you remember me? From the ORC convention back in 06'? I must admit it's been a while, how nice of you to come by in my drea- OW!" She cried out as her arm was swung roughly behind her back, causing her to face the other direction. The elf began speaking the unknown language with a furious look on his face but Haldir paid him no mind, his focus still on me.

"Sarah... would you keep quiet? I told you this wasn't a dream, or else you wouldn't be able to feel pain!"

"Let me handle this Linz..." She cleared her throat, "Salad, melons! We come here in peace and _therefore_ we do not appreciate you pointing your little bows in our faces!" She smirked confidently while I, on the other hand, smacked my forehead. The group of elves laughed amongst themselves, a melodious sound, clearly full of amusement. Sarah's smile vanished and she gave me a helpless look, "Didn't I say that right?"

"Silence!" His boomed loudly and they quickly complied, "Those are peculiar names to our kind... you also speak Westron well, yet you are of elf kind. What is your purpose here?"

"I would like to know that myself! We got... lost, actually, and were just leaving so if you would be so kind to release my friend..." My voice died off as he tilted his head to view me with a curious gaze. I followed his stare and immediately covered my forgotten bare thighs from his view. I could feel more than one pair of eyes on me and I blushed deeply, "Do you mind?"

"Not at all, to be truthful. Now get up." He grabbed me by the arm and lifted me off the ground easily, "You cannot leave now that you have entered. We will escort you to the Lord and Lady. They will decide what is to be done with you two." He motioned with his hand for the elves to continue on and there was nothing Sarah and I could do but follow alongside them.

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><p>*"Salad melons" - Proper saying is 'Suilad mellon' and it means 'Greeting friend'! (But Sarah is an idiot so of course she doesn't say it right...)*<p> 


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